Hopes and dreams for this space...

Hello family,

Thanks for your patience with me and this blog platform as I get things up and running. I haven't been as organized as I could have been about inviting people and there are still more I would like to invite but don't have addresses for yet. Right now, it is pretty much just close family--I'd like feedback about whether people would like to see this circle opened bigger or if we should keep it small and intimate. Please comment or email your responses: ariel.caspe.detzer@gmail.com.

As this blog has taken shape over the last few days, I have been thinking about the direction and purpose I can imagine it might take. As I've considered this, I've made a few changes in the format. First, I've gone ahead and added several more people as authors--this includes Steve and Mike and mom and Anne and all the grandkids, as well as family like Nurmi and Elaine who see Lil frequently. We can have up to 100 authors on this platform, so don't hesitate to recommend others. I've also changed the openness level of the blog so that people will need to be approved by me (or another administrator--so far there's just me--anyone else want to be an administrator? Steve? Mike? Mom? Anne?) in order to access the blog. I did this in order to make this space somewhat more private for family.

My hope is that this can become a blog not just about what Lil is up to, but a place where we, as a family, can begin to share about the experience of having Lil as a mom, grandma, aunt, and so on, remembering with her an amazing life, and supporting her (and each other) towards a good death.

So far, though she knows about this blog, she has not been particularly interested when I offer to share it, (but that may well change as other family members post whom she does not see every day). The best way to contact her directly, of course, is through the email Tana has set up for her at (I'm not at home so I don't have that address handy, but I'll edit this entry to include it as soon as I get it.)

On the other hand, we might, as a family, make a choice to create this as a separate space where people can share the thoughts and feelings that come up around grandma's declining health in a way that does not impact her (that is, we could decide that this is a place she won't see, and that if we want to communicate with her, we'll email her directly.) There may be some feelings that we benefit from sharing with each other that we would feel better not sharing with her. Please give me your feedback as to which way you'd like to see this blog go. At the moment, the default is that Lil is not reading this blog.

My hope for this blog is that I want to invite people to start reflecting on and sharing thoughts and feelings about grandma because so often we only do that kind of really important reflection after someone dies. If we go there now, we can better connect with each other around grandma's life, and we can choose to share those things with her we realize are really important to share. We made a great start at grandma's 100th birthday, but there was so much that wanted saying that there was not time for on that day. Mike, I'm speaking just for myself here, but I wanted to let you know that I would particularly love  to know more about some of the stories you were sharing with us on your last visit here about grandma's political doings. I want to make this blog a place where everyone feels free and welcome to share.

The writing we do here now will not only help us rally around grandma as a family, it will help us connect around the other serious illness that is impacting us all to a greater or lesser degree--Daniel's brain tumor. One of the things I value most about our family is that, as far flung as we are, we do not let our family members cope with big things alone. This is a way that, even in Texas and Paris and St. Louis and New Orleans, we can come together with that same kind of support.

The final important reason I encourage you all to post here is that anything we write here can be saved in a permanent way as a lasting legacy. As each of us begin to volunteer reflections, we will inspire and encourage others in the family to add to the story. In this way, we can create a patchwork of memories and reflections and hopes and fears and thankfulness. Most importantly, we can hold those feelings in a shared way, no matter how far apart we may be.